AM I A WHORE BY BLOOD?

I received a call from my cousin tonight which led to a deeper than normal conversation for us concerning our futures and the idea of love. He asking, “Do you believe people truly want to be in love”, spawned all this? Without a breathe I responded with a “Yes!” He responded with an “Oh” that sung out his loss of interest in continuing the conversation with such a “naïve” person. I pushed the subject further out of a desire to have a conversation with one of the only men I hoped could truly understand how I felt since he had the same bloodline as me. I reminded him of how both our fathers died with large bank accounts, numerous homes on multiple continents, closet of tailored suits, custom shoes, and a long list of conquest but none present at their bedsides when the end came. How sad it was that the only woman in my father’s life he trusted enough to help him put his life in order after his stroke in the event he died was my mother. Whom he hadn’t had a relationship with for about 14 years at the time. I continued to speak about how I didn’t want that for myself. How I wanted someone who loved me and that I loved in the same way. He listened impatiently and with every “Uh huh” signaled his lack of desire to continue the conversation. At the end of my long country song with the exuberance of a kid who just got a lifetime supply of chocolate, he screamed out “OUR DADS WHERE WHORES AND WE GOT THEIR BLOOD!!!”

WTF?!?!?!!!

I didn’t know what to say to that. I sat there quietly as he reminisces over “The good times” The Brothers, as we always called them, had with all their lovely conquest. We had this conversation on numerous occasions through the course of our lives each of us, my brother, cousin, and I, all had our Father/Uncle stories. Coming downstairs to find three women standing in front of the dinner table with the dishes they had prepared and my father asking me to choose which of them my fat picky fingers would feast on that evening. It wasn’t until years later that I realized what I had walked into. One of us walking in on a father/uncle receiving what we initially thought was a spirited bedside prayer and seconds later being hit with the realization that there was nothing holy in the act.

I told him of my concerns with my bloodline and how with every relationship I hoped to be the man I talked about being and not the man my bloodline destined me to be. My behavior in the past has lent itself to something my father would have done. I’m not a cheater, but I do love women. I love to flirt. I love the attention and I wonder if I’ll be able to turn that off once that ring comes on. I realized my cousin could not give me the answers I needed or wanted or maybe he was just the person to give me the answers, but I just didn’t want to hear them. I find any excuse to let him out of the conversation he clearly didn’t want to be in. then I was left alone to think and with no one else of value awake, all I could do was let the thoughts swoosh around in my head. Getting bigger with each turn.

Was I destined to be exactly what he proclaimed me to be – A whore? What would that entail? Would I get all the girls and have my kids and nephews talking for years about all the women that laid to my beckoning? Would I die alone wishing I had just picked one of them and made it work?

BOOK EVERYTHING TRAVEL BLOG: EP 2 BOSTON

PART 1


PART 2


GVG
~SEE YOU IN THE AIR~

BOOK EVERYTHING TRAVEL BLOG INTRO AND EP1: PACKING SUCKS OR I SUCK AT PACKING

You may not know this, but my New Year’s resolution (that wasn’t actually done on New Year’s) was to travel again. Travel as much as I can, as often as I can, for as long as I can. I can’t figure out why it was that I stopped traveling, maybe it’s the same reason I never made that big move across the Atlantic, that I’ve been talking about doing for all these years. Anyway, I got to a point where I said enough is enough and just started to book everything that came across my computer screen. I’ve done rather well. I’ve been on a plane at least once a month if not a minimum of twice a month since April. Not all of them have been lavish, far off lands, but all of them great experiences that have added to my growth and fond memories. The most memorable of the trips being my first trip back to Haiti with my brother. We plan to do that one again very soon.

My cousin Stephanie especially, and a few other close friends have tried to get me to keep a journal of my journey’s, but as I’ve seemed to have lost my bug for writing, as anyone who used to reads this blog can attest to, I just didn’t have the desire to write. I needed another way of documenting this experience, I ran into a cool guy one night who told me about how he created a collage with all the things in his pockets and other small random items he collected from his trip to South Africa. Interesting. I came across a blog of a guy who took one Polaroid picture per day since the late 70s and never missed a day. Very interesting. Another friend’s father wrote about the best part of each day for one year, exactly one year. Also interesting. As I encountered all these creative ways of documenting ones life I knew I wanted my own way, but I knew it had to be my own and not the rehash of someone else’s.

I have played around with the idea of keeping a photo journal, but I knew me and how I would have to preface each pic with a story and thought that wouldn’t do the idea justice. Then I had another idea – how about a video journal of my travels. No writing, but I get to give you all the stuff that’s going on with me as its happening. On a good day it could hopefully be insightful, entertaining, funny, informative, and beautiful, on all the other days a complete car wreck, and who doesn’t love watching a good wreck in progress!

This was great. The only problem is I hate carrying stuff, I hated, hated, HATED the idea of having to carry a digital camera, a digital recorder, my cell phone, CrackBerry, extra batteries, more cords, adapters, god it’s hurting my back just to type it all out. I already think we all look like batman wannabes with utility belts on. Then I got a great e-mail informing me that there had been a new operating system update released for my blackberry that would give it the ability to create video – EUREKA!!! That’s it. I could do my video journals with my CrackBerry. All was right with the world and my new video blog was one-step closer to being a reality, now all I needed was somewhere to go.

This brings us to this point. Below is my first official entry of my "BOOK EVERYTHING TRAVEL BLOG" series. The video quality on the phone isn’t the greatest, but I think it’s good enough to get the job done.

P.S. Below that, I added my test run of the CrackBerry video feature.

BOOK EVERYTHING TRAVEL BLOG EP1 PACKING SUCKS OR I SUCK AT PACKING


Click on link for a pic of the finished product
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=logo#/photo.php?pid=1523468&id=592097266&ref=nf

TESTING 1 2 3

AND THEN SO I SAID...

I was reading part 2 of a blog over at A Belle in Brooklyn, about Belle’s first study abroad experience. The video below is in response to one of the comments left by Anon 11:14. Yes, I was TOO LAZY to write my response, so I took advantage of my newly acquired video option on my CrackBerry to create a video reply. I recommend reading the blog Part 1 here and Part 2 here and the comment by Anon 11:14 here, which motivated me to create the response below.




P.S. Check out Part 3 here.

GVG
~we're the warriors they write/videotape epics about~

P.P.S. This is my first time trying this Vlog thing on here.

A CONVERSATION BEFORE DEATH CALLS

Below is a CrackBerry Messenger conversation I had with a friend yesterday, while on a short flight from Michigan to NYC, after reading a blog post she wrote entitled “It was all a dream”.


Participants:
-------------
GVG, Belle

Messages:
---------

GVG: It’s funny you had a dream about death

GVG: The last couple of flights I've had have been especially bad for me

GVG: I've never been scared of flying

GVG: Outside of the little anxiety on takeoff and landing, but I think that's common with everyone.

GVG: The last couple of flights have been different

GVG: I have these weird daydreams about the plane crashing

GVG: Maybe it has to do with the fact that I always sit in the emergency row for the extra legroom n all of a sudden I have really started to think about why there is an emergency row n when my responsibilities would actually take effect

GVG: I honestly think I'm writing so I can stop thinking about dying

GVG: It’s not working

GVG: Cuss now instead of dreaming of dying, I'm writing about dying

GVG: Weird things pass through ur mind when you think u may die

GVG: Who you'd call

GVG: In what order

GVG: Who u wouldn’t

GVG: what you'd say

GVG: I keep thinking that I’ll do one last status update on FaceBook

*GVG: "Gardy is about to die. Hope you're having a better day. P.S. Spirit sucks!"

GVG: You start thinking about all the things u didn't do

GVG: the women u loved n never told

GVG: The women who loved u n u never appreciated

GVG: The petty issues u had with friends and family

GVG: I actually just had a great memory pop into my head about u

GVG: Don't know why it sticks, but I just thought about that smile u gave me that night I ran out of that Roots concert at Highline

GVG: Even while I sit here writing

GVG: I realize I'm not scared of death

GVG: God, just make it quick

GVG: I'm scared shitless of not being remembered

GVG: I can be better than I am

GVG: That's such a bullshit statement

GVG: We can all be better than we are

GVG: The question is what will we do to be better

GVG: I think you should know that I always thought the story that it was when you saw my "story of life/death" tattoo was when you lost interest was bs

GVG: The plane is bouncing back n fourth n it’s messing with me

GVG: My toees r clinched

GVG: I have to keep typing

GVG: I put the volume all the way up on Alice Smith’s album

*GVG: I love the irony that the beginning of the chorus to the song I’m listening to is "If we start to fall..."

GVG: We landed.

*Belle: Blog this. It's painfully honest.

Belle: I'm glad you made it safe.

Belle: And um, why is your phone on mofo. You're supposed to turn it off.

GVG: Painfully honest is just the right way to describe it

Belle: And the tats were it.

Belle: I wouldn't lie.

Belle: ull be remembered. The question is how. That dream was eye opening for me.

GVG: Think it was eye opening for both of us

GVG: I started keeping it [my phone] on because I thought if I was going to die I didn't want to waste time trying to turn it back on to call n text

Belle: Am I living the way I want people to remember me? Will my folk remember me enuff to party on?

GVG: I think I would have had a panic attack if I wasn't typing

Belle: will kev and jess be ok? Will …… (Deleted because its none of your business)

Belle: Alice Smith is good. So is Nina Simone.

Belle: Or gospel music or Stevie- all songs about hope. Little trick I use.

GVG: I’ll remember that

GVG: I needed an uplifting album

GVG: Good God my hands r ashy

GVG: The things u notice...

Belle: He died, but did you see how ashy his hands were in that casket?

GVG: Thanx for giving me the space to type

Belle: Good lord. They coulda done a better job than that.

GVG: LOL

GVG: He don't even look like that

Belle: If I ever write this book. That line is going in there.

Belle: He woulda used more lotion.

Belle: Someone who loves you would put lotion on you.

GVG: Agreed

Belle: (It won't be me. Cause I ain't touching a body)

Belle: But we wouldn't let you go to the great beyond looking ashy.

Belle: You got to go how you came - in style.

GVG: Fresh to death!!!!

Belle: Word.

Belle: Gotta bounce for the train. $

GVG: Bye!

Belle: You should post this whole exchange on ur blog. $

GVG: Was thinking the same thing

GVG: Think I’ll call it "A conversation before death calls"

THE END

*It should be noted on this flight that Spirit left my luggage back in Michigan and at the time of posting still have not returned my luggage. Guess that status update wasn’t too far off.

* The song I was listening to was Gary’s Song off Alice Smith’s debut album “For Lovers, Dreamers, & Me”

* You may have noticed that I wrote a lot with no response. Up until this point I was still in the air with no signal on my phone. When we landed, my signal returned, and all the messages I had typed went through at once.

WOULD YOU SAVE A SOUL?

There is so much going on in my life that no one other than I will ever know, if you ask me I will lie, if you think you know, you probably don’t, but it’s there and it hurts. I remember the day I got the new Gnarls Barkley Album “The Odd Couple”, anxiously pressed play, then it got to track 2 “Who's Gonna Save My Soul”, I stayed there for days with it, playing it over and over and over again. It spoke to me. It made me think about writing. I didn’t. It made me think about speaking. I didn’t. I just listened. Today I was sent the video for it. The video has done just the same to me as the song has and I’d like to share it with you. I thought about writing and speaking some more. I won’t.

Who's Gonna Save My Soul

FINALLY...